Why do I write?

I think I have been going some kind of enlightenment or insight in life where I started to think

Why am I writing here?

What is my purpose of doing these?

Is what I write useful for others?

So I went through a memory lane and read all the posts that I posted online and had a major face palmed moment.

This…I couldn’t believe I wrote these kinds of things or can I called it useless piece of shits and published it online

Before I write mainly for my satisfaction. For my own pleasure. And I has been doing this since I started blogging around 2008, 8 years ago. I was a 14 years old girl who found peace and comfort in writing. I used to post a really long post about just me being bored. I write everything. My everyday life and my feelings are my main source of inspiration.

When I am happy, I write.

When I am sad, I write.

When I am angry, I write.

You can practically say that majority of my teenage angst phase spent by blogging my heart out. But now I am confused.

What is this unsatisfied feeling that I couldn’t describe?

So, I ask my heart and my heart wants to change. She doesn’t want to write without a purpose anymore. She wants to change all of these crap into something better. Something that will make her proud and say

‘Yeah, I wrote these’

I want to write something that can be useful to others. But damn it is hard. For someone who has been caring for no one but herself and to write for others is going to be one tough journey. Since I couldn’t bear to delete all my babies because it represents me, of what I was before thus, I just revert half of my blog posts into a draft for only me to see.

Those old posts are still about me, my life then, and are just as relevant to my life now, even if I’ve changed. There’s nothing I want to erase or forget happened (or pretend didn’t happen). Change is important. There are plenty of things I wrote about years ago that I’ve changed my mind about, but deleting those posts seems disingenuous to who I was. I like seeing my transformation. If I wrote something that made me seem like a jerk, I was probably being a jerk. Deleting the post won’t change that. I’d be more inclined to write a new post addressing it than deleting the original.
Arnebya

Because my heart told me so.

Rasya
Author

Not so smart INTJ. Love books. 3rd Year in Japanese Language and Linguistic. English is not her forte.

43 Comments

  1. eh sama la. huda start blogging form2. tapi tak aktif sangat, jarang2. kalau baca balik macam 'ya Allah did i who wrote this?' tapi sayang nak delete, kenangan kan

  2. samalah perasaan tu, dulu post banyak perkara yang bermanfaat..sekarang ni makin kurang huhu
    dalam hati pun berkata *kenapa bah kau berubah…

  3. salam semua. jom sama sama sokong Kempen Taja Shopping raya ! tak menderma share post pun jadilah!

  4. Kadang-kala dengan menulis sesuatu, ia dapat menenangkan hati kita.. Tidak kira apa jua yang kita nak share sebab itu hak kita.. Slow-slow berubah untuk menulis sesuatu entri yang lebih berguna selepas ini yee 🙂

  5. kadang2 tu memang nak sgt meluah dkt blog since my reality friends taktahu saya punya link blog. Tapi tu lah tiap kali menulis msti save in draft je tak smpai hati nak tulis dkt blog pasal sedih2 but sometimes we cant hold it by own then terpaksa luah jugak. People need the other untuk cool down kan dia. be a good listener 🙁

  6. bit by bit they are what made us who we are today – it's a matter of choice of whether to show them to the world or just to save them for yourself and I think you made the right choice by reverting them to drafts. How I wish I could do so too with all my ridiculous posts but if I were to do so, I think my blog would be too empty because I rarely post non ridiculous posts lol

  7. Haha sis, I feel you. Saya lagilah, blog dari umur 11 tahun, memang entri merapu habis tu. Dah revert semua ke draft except a few. Kadang memang berhajat nak tulis something yang bawa benefit, tapi selalu terfikir diri ni tak cukup experience lagi, I am too young though. Dan tak matang. Haha XD Instead saya cari inspiration dari orang lain.

  8. I started blogging masa 2009. Form 1. Now, I've deleted A LOT of my blog entries. Sekarang pun bila baca balik rasa nak delete delete delete. Bukan apa, tangan dan jari jari kita ni yang akan jadi saksi kat akhirat nanti. Takut salah tulis.. takut sangat. bila ada masa mungkin akan review balik entry lama2 dulu.

  9. agree too . lol . even sometimes rasa syoksendiri je buat entry but seems like I dont mind lol. nanti bila tengok old entry baru la terasa perubahan diri ni . haha . it's okay , preference org lain-lain . maybe tak bermanfaat bagi some people but membantu for others . who know right 🙂 chill la . kihkih

    The Talking Diary

  10. Kita semua membesar mengikut masa. Makin lama, kita makin dewasa.
    Betul, tanya hati dan buatlah keputusan sendiri.
    Kalau keputusan itu salah sekalipun, itu tetap keputusan kita, jadi teruskan menulis di blog.
    (komen macam dah lari point…harap dapat faham) Hehehe

  11. I hope so. Because sometimes I forget that whatever I did in my life; writing and etc are going to be presented in front of God

  12. Do whatever that make you happy 🙂

    I felt the same way few times before. That's why I stopped blogging for a while before.

  13. writing not just because it feels good to others, do it because it is the way you want for yourself first. if whatever you write makes you happy, well yeah, who gives a damn right? 😉 also, write about something nice la kan? hehe.

  14. true indeed! that describe me too…
    kadang rasa mcm nak delete gak…tapi biarkan jelah…sebab disitulah kita membesar..

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