When I First Entered College

The future seems bleak. Watching my senpai tachi (read: seniors) in their final year makes me start thinking about my own future. Some of them are returning home and some are staying here to apply for Master’s program. And then there’s me who still contemplating whether to go back home or continue my study from degree to Master. The future remains unknown.
Wed, 15/10/7

I wrote these precisely a year ago,  and at that time I was torn between furthering my study and BFG (back for good). But it’s funny that even though a considerable time has passed for me to think about my future path, I am still clueless and unsure on what should I do after graduating college. To take the next big step towards the so-called adult world is so terrifying and pretty much out of reach that I wonder how others manage to do it and survive.

college

When I first entered college, I thought my future path will be all set. I’ll graduate with glorious all A’s grades, sweet high paying dream jobs lined up, several powerful connections build up here and there, and extraordinary interpersonal skills where people just couldn’t help but fall in love with me. Ahem.

But yeah, it didn’t happen as planned.

I’m a man full of plans. For example, when we got a new assignment writing a report that needs to be submitted 3 months later, I’m already planning my draft out, found all the books for future reading at the library, search related pdf articles at CiNii and by the next day, everything will be photocopied and printed. So you can see that, going with the flow and playing ‘just wait and see’ wouldn’t work for me. Everything needs to be done as planned. I’ll go crazy if I couldn’t picture my future in my mind but then I remember that,

all of this sounds so familiar

When I was still in my teens, anxiously waiting for SPM results, I couldn’t see myself as a college student living far away from home but somehow I manage to do so. Graduating out of high school, going to college, get a job, married, kids – all of these will come naturally. In the end,

The future is never just one choice. It’s a thousand. And they never stop. You will choose your future every day of your life. And should you wake up one day to find that you regret the choice you made the day before, then make a new one. Don’t worry about whether you might be wrong someday. Worry about whether you’re right now. Tomorrow can wait.
Cora Carmack, All Played Out


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57 comments

  1. I can really relate to you~ As of now, I just finished my studies and lost. I don’t know what to do next and it seems that the “adult world” is terrifying. But don’t worry, we will one day find our way. Good luck!

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