We Used To Be Friend | Why Friendship Falls Apart

It’s sad that as we grew older, some people that we once used to know and share everything with – happiness, heartache, complain, are not on our side anymore. I’ve had my fair share of losing friends and gaining new ones in the process. I guess that’s what you called life.

So why does friendship fall apart?


reasons friendship falls apart

I would say that most of the fallout in a relationship (friends, family etc) happens because of misunderstanding and lack of communication

If we’re not satisfied and feel offended with how our friends behave why not have a talk one on one with them so that we could understand each other better. Having an assumption is no good and I always think that if you could not face your friends and tell them the problems that you’re having with them it just means you’re not close enough because you’re afraid that it would break off the friendship.

But hey, this kind of thing is easier said than done. This is not going to be as breezy as the walk in the park. Or like simply pressing a like on Instagram or Facebook comment.

The thing is there is no such thing as a perfect relationship in this world. You’re going to get in a fight, offended someone or get offended, like and dislike somebody and that’s where the beauty of relationship lies. All the ups and downs make the relationship stronger.

Remember, that we’re dealing with humans here – who is a complex mixture of emotion and raised in a different kind of background and way of thinking. To expect everyone to have the same kind of understanding like we do is a huge misunderstanding. (pun, totally intended) Even we, sometimes couldn’t understand ourselves so how could others?

Is it possible, in the final analysis, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another? We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close can we come to that person’s essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?
Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

reasons friendship falls apart

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  1. this is so true. ever since i moved to a new school i feel like my old friends are no longer my friends, not sure if i’m the one who broke the friendship when i always try my best by telling them what happened and such, buy them presents when i get the chance too.. the fact that they easily forget the things i do to make sure our friendship last forever is so upsetting. To this point I feel like I dont want to care about what they feel about me now, i got new friends and i hope they would stay unlike few others….

    1. this happened to me too. I moved from Gombak to Kajang when I was 12 and the one who’ll do the calling. and asking what’s up is always me. then, in the end, I stop contacting them because life got busy and I made new friends

  2. wow love dis entry♡♡♡ pape pun, fie sejak kawen ni, lagi-lagi after pregnant, tak ramai nak kawan dgn Fie sebab dorang fikir Fie berbeza dgn dorang. dorang mcm takud nk kawan dgn Fie tataw lah knp, so Fie selalu je rase lonely. the only one friend yg setia ada susah senang sekarang ni yg Fie ade hanye lah suami Fie je. sobss :'(

    1. must be tough being a married lady amongst single friends.

      but you could always try connecting with them by inviting them to your house, playing with your baby when he/she is born

  3. Memeperbanyak teman berbagi rejeki, sukses dunia dan akherat… cari teman perluas jaringan, peluang rejeki akan datang. memang perlu hati-hati, tetapi selalu berusaha… salam kenal yaa…

  4. Dont assume, ask! Ada pengalaman macam ni, kawan tidur sebantal masa diploma, bertembung bahu masa degree macam totally stranger. Hmm strangers with some memories, perhaps. Sedih, tapi kehidupan harus diteruskan.

  5. IDK rasya but I always keep only the important one. haha. I’m not a good friend myself and kinda selfish to be frank. but people do enjoy the present of a company. We cant be alone forever right, maintaining friendship was never easy, but once we know how much we love the relation, we just keep finding our way back.

    yeah, you just make me writes a kind of emotional quotes. hahaha.

  6. Kadang2 i feel bad for my friends sebab i’m never the one who’ll contact them, but Alhamdulillah my friends actually understand me and diorang kata “kalau whatsapp pun rasa awkward, baik tunggu time jumpa jelah baru borak” xD

  7. I definitely agree! Well, sometimes we grow apart even with out closest friends. I think it is something beyond our control. I guess, only memories lasts forever 🙂

  8. This is the hardest part in our life. But, we need to move on. Keep going, never give up and believe in Allah’s plan for us. He knows the best 🙂 InsyaAllah

  9. Couldn’t agreed more, Rasya. Its so true. I am to bad in keeping friend by my side, because I always think that they always there for us no matter what, just like, I do being there for them but sometimes, I was wrong. I guess, I should learn my lesson on that. 🙂 Anyway, once, we got a definitely loyal friend, we should keep them forever by our side. 🙂

    This is definitely a great post!

  10. Aww, I love Haruki Murakami. And to add to what you’ve said, there are 3 types of people in our lives: the ones who make an effort to stay, the ones who come only when you need them and the ones who are just there for the sake of being there. That being said, bless you. I hope you don’t let the negativity in life keep you down.

  11. i feel this. a month ago my parents and i went to restaurant.suddenly,i bumped with my bestfriendforever ,and her new friendsss.she wanted to hide.but i saw them.with a no feelings ( i think?) they keep walking in the restaurant without greet with me or try to “hye” with me </3

  12. couldnt agree more.
    im bad in keep in touch with others. so, basically, im just let some relationship between friends go with the flow and im the one who just follow the flow. 😀

    agree, u could lose some, but u’ll gain some 🙂

    p/s : thanks rasya for the pdf!!! 😀

  13. Awww I love this post!

    I was not good with friendship during my school time. Maybe because I moved to different schools, a lot. But, alhamdulillah I think I improved myself a bit while growing older, I now know better how to appreciate friendship. 🙂

    Like you said, one of the reason why friendship fall apart is lack of communication / misunderstanding. I tried to reach my friends and wow surprising taking that first step feels so good. Maybe we are not getting anywhere for solid friendship but at least she and I knew I’m trying to keep in touch. 🙂

    Just a simple “hi, I hope you are doing great, take care” is more than enough when we have so many commitment in this complicated world. T_T

  14. I totally agree… People just change with time and we can’t really blame them. People come and go, but those who are meant to stay, will stay 🙂

  15. Even we, sometimes couldn’t understand ourselves so how could others?” -I love this phrase..
    Well, in my case, lack of communications, and most probably, we just don’t get along anymore.. Well, people change..